Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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