I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
