I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
