TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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