I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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