I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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