Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
