dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
