last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
