He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Dear god my vagina.
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