I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Randomize
