What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
