i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
