youre lurking in front of me
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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