I just threw up on my dentist
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
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