There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
