wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
