i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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