This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
