Having a random hookup so left but love u
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
