All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
