A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
