This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
