walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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