i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
