where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
