I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
