note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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