That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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