why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
