This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
