I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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