I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
