coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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