Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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