you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize