got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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