Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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