he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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