Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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