Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
