The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
