What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
