You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
