talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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