Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
