I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
