ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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