and she was petting her beer can
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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