Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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