I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
