you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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