member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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