He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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