mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
