i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
