Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
