Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
