So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
