please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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