I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You were trust falling into bushes
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
